Sometimes it needs words, to heal
by kukka
Summary: It was almost 3 AM, when he first looked at the clock.


Disclaimer : I do own nothing, all writing's for fun without any commercial purpose...all characters belong to Josh Schwartz and Co. AN: Just something I was thinking of during a sleepless night. All mistakes belong to me. Sorry if eats my format.

It was almost 3 AM, when he first looked at the clock. No matter what he tried, he couldn't sleep.

He lay in bed starring at the ceiling, stood up and paced the floor, muttering some things to himself and finally lay back down again only to get up a couple of minutes later to go to the bathroom and splash some cold water into his face. Probably not the best of ideas, since cold water was supposed to wake you up – not make you sleepy. He didn't care though.

His eyes burned and he had a bad headache that he just wanted to go away.

All this was effortless because a good hour later, he was still wide awake. And his headache was still there as well.

So he decided to call it an early morning and get up…or rather get dressed, since he was…well…up.

Maybe Seth would be awake already.

Okay, who was he kidding ? Seth, being up at this hour ? Funny…

In fact, Seth wouldn't be up for at least another 6 hours.

Despite this knowlegde, Ryan went into the mainhouse and as quiet as possible made his way up the stairs to Seth's room.

He slowly opened the door, careful not to disturb anyone by making too much noise, and sat down in the chair by the desk.

"Seth, you awake ?" He whispered.

There was no response, so he tried again a little louder.

"Seth, wake up. I need to talk to you."

There…a muffled grumble from underneath the covers.

"Ry ? What time is it ?" Seth asked as his head slowly emerged.

" 'bout 4..ish. Okay, it's 4:10 AM…sorry." He replied.

Seth was suddenly very awake. The fact that Ryan was in his room this early was making him curious and frightend, all at once.

"Something happened ? Mom and Dad okay ? You okay ? Is the house on fire ? Were we robbed ?" Seth asked in a rush, making Ryan laugh.

"No, don't worry. Nothin' happened. It's just…it's…I…", Ryan took a deep breath, watching Seth watching him. "I can't sleep. It's stupid, really…I didn't know what else to do, I tried everything…so I came up here. I don't even know why. Sorry to have bothered you, I should go back to the Poolhouse." Having said that, he got up and made his way over to the door, unaware that Seth was still watching him, only now his expression was more one of concern than curiousity.

"Wait, man", he finally said just as Ryan was about to close the door behind him.

Ryan stopped and turned around.

"Talk to me", was all Seth said in the process of sitting up in bed to show Ryan that he was being serious.

Re-entering the room, Ryan took a couple of deep, slow breaths to calm his nerves.

He sat back down in the chair and after a short and slightly awkward silence, Seth was the first to say something…not that this was much of a surprise.

When he wasn't asleep, Seth Cohen was talking almost constantly.

He looked at Ryan for a long moment before asking if it were nightmares.

He also added a name that made Ryan close his eyes before looking up from the point on the floor, that he had been staring at.

He only nodded his head. Sighing as he tried to come up with something to say.

"That obvious ?", was all he could think of.

He thought, Seth would be quick to respond but he was unusually quiet.

Seth suddenly stood up and walked across the room, to stare out the window before he opened his mouth.

"These first few nights…after the accident. I…when you were still in Hospital…Dad and I, we took nightshifts, watching you sleep." He struggled to keep his emotions in check and made his way back over to the bed, searching Ryan's eyes.

"Mom was over at Julie's most of the time. Now she feels guilty for not being there for you", he added with a sarcastic laugh.

Seth continued studying Ryan.

His thoughts seemed to have drifted back to this horrible night. His eyes almost glazed over, as he stared into space.

It took him a couple of minutes to get his mind away from this dark place and when he was ready, he confessed to Seth. Probably for the first time, since it happened almost 6 months ago. He wasn't sure if he had told anyone back at the hospital. But if he had, it most likely was written off as a side effect of shock.

"I'm dreaming about that night, smelling the gas…hearing the explosion. Hearing her plead for me to stay…feeling her…die," he gulped unable to continue.

After a minute, " Sometimes I wake up with her name on my lips…". He wiped away a tear and looked at Seth to see if he was still watching him.

Seth sat there in complete silence, knowing that Ryan needed to get it out before the momories distroyed him completely. He only gave Ryan a nod to show him that he knew and that it was okay. That it was okay for him to show emotions after something as horrible as this.

"The nights were I'm not dreaming about it, I…I can still see it…even when my eyes are open. I can't get rid of the memories, Seth! They're killing me…", he drifted off, not knowing what else to say.

Seth was not really surprised to see that Ryan was openly crying now.

He let out the breath he was holding and got up to sit down on the floor in front of Ryan. Handing him a tissue from his nightstand.

Giving him an understanding smile, he said, "Ry…I know my parents told you this many times before but…we're here for you. Mom, Dad and I…even Summer and Julie. I will not say that we can imagine what it must have been like for you because, honestly, we can't. We weren't there. What we can do though, is trying to make it better. By listening to you, whenever you feel the need to tell us about it. Ryan, I need you to know that no matter what, you can always come to us and talk. Okay ? We all want to help you. We all want for you to get better." He made a short pause before adding, "I know that you haven't been sleeping for a long time and that you're not eating right. I haven't told Mom and Dad and I don't know if they noticed but…promise me that you'll try and have a proper breakfast with us this morning, okay ? Not just a cup of black coffee and half a bagle without schmear. Just promise, okay ? I know that you don't feel like eating but, you really need to get something solid down that stomach. If you're getting any thinner, Mom will get worried and you know…beware of The Kirsten !"

That actually got a small chuckle out of Ryan.

He sighed and got up, almost tripping over Seth as he tried to make a step forward.

After getting back his balance, he looked at Seth who was starring into space and, opened the door with a greateful "Thank you".

Much to his surprise, he bumped right into Sandy and Kirsten who were standing right outside the door. Obviously eavesdropping.

"Hey kid. Are you okay?" Sandy asked him after having the grace to blush.

Ryan looked at him and then at Kirsten, pondering his answer, when Seth appeared behind him.

"Mom ? Dad ? Have you been eavesdropping ?", he asked stunned.

Kirsten only rolled her eyes at him.

Ryan was unaware of the fact that Sandy's eyes were becoming worried.

"Ryan ?" Seth's father asked again, "Are you okay. I mean, really ?"

Suddenly Seth's hand placed itself on Ryan's shoulder and he knew for the first time since that night, that took away the only girl he ever really loved, that he was loved and supported by this family, his family. He didn't have to deal with this alone.

He smiled his first genuine smile in months and with a reasurring nod said, "I'm not okay yet but, I will be. Lets go start breakfast."

The END


End file.
